It had been almost 3 weeks since Barney's birth when we called the Chaplain at Lincoln County Hospital to see if Barney was back from the Queens Medical Centre..
It had been almost 3 weeks since Barney's birth when we called the Chaplain at Lincoln County Hospital to see if Barney was back from the Queens Medical Centre, Nottingham after the post-mortem. Revd Tim Couchman, the chaplain, said that Barney was due back in Lincoln the following day and would confirm when he had physically seen him.
On hearing this news we immediately called our local Revd and the funeral director as we wanted the funeral for the following Friday. As before our requests was greeted with the same openness and flexibility from both parties, so the funeral was set for 1200 on Friday 15th December 2006.
Robert, the funeral director, collected Barney from Lincoln and bought him back to Grantham. As agreed when we first met with him he would assess if we should see Barney again. On collecting him he stated that he felt in his opinion we would not gain any benefit from seeing Barney again. Although we would have loved to have said goodbye once again we valued Robert's opinion and decided that we should keep the lovely image of him at his birth in our minds. We went along to the funeral directors to drop off the items we wanted Barney to have with him in the coffin. These included:
- Photo of the family
- Half of a gold heart pendant of which
we kept the other part.
- Martin's tatty 40 year old "Blue Teddy"
that was his from a baby
- Half of a key ring that big sister Caity
had bought as a keepsake
- Two 2006 1p coins for the ferryman.
- Letters and drawings from the family
We wanted to keep the funeral small so our children wouldn't be intimidated. We set about writing an email to everyone that we knew to let them know when and where the funeral would be but mentioned that only grandparents were invited. We set up a charity page on JustGiving.com instead of having flowers for Barney, the money would go to SANDS.
The reverend came to see us on Sunday and we went through the whole service together she had chosen some beautiful prayers and gave us copies. Martin then set about making a smll order of service.
On the Monday Suzanne rang the Grantham Journal to ask if they would print our story to raise awareness about stillbirth and the SANDS charity. The paper which comes out every Friday would then hopefully co-inside with Barneys funeral. They were brilliant. I gave them all the information over the phone. The next day a photographer came and we were told our story would be in the Journal on the 15th. We ordered a flat teddy bear flower arrangement in white and asked that he have a smiley face and be holding 1 red rose. Suzanne's brother and best friend asked if they could come to the funeral and we agreed, also our close neighbours whose son is buried in the churchyard.
The morning of the funeral was a grey day but thankfully dry. We got ourselves and the children ready through what was a calm atmosphere in the house which is pretty unusual when we have all five kids in action! During the morning Suzanne's parents (Jo and Dave) Martin's parents (Sheila and Bas) arrived closely followed by Suzanne's best friend Natalie and her husband Tim and Suzanne's brother Gaz and his wife Kerrie. We left the house for the short walk through the county lanes to the church.
We arrived a bit early and found, Bas had previously spoken to Robert, who was standing outside the church, and said that Barney was already safely inside. We were met at the church by our neighbours Jim and Carol. Jim had taken the day off to be with us which meant a lot, as he tragically lost his own son Mark at the age of 13 to leukaemia. The Revd had said that Barney would be laid to rest near to where Mark was buried.
We made our way into the church where we caught site of Barney's tiny coffin at the front of the church. At this point the calm and composure just left us all and the tears began to flow from all present. The sight of his tiny coffin all alone at the front lit in an otherwise dark church will live with us forever.
We were also joined by Suzanne's cousin Michelle who too had wanted to be there for the family. We waited until 1200 when the church was filled by the beautiful sound of Tears in Heaven performed by The Choirboys. We slowly made our way to the Nave where Barney was waiting and took our seats in the choir benches close to the coffin. The beautiful teddy bear flower arrangement lay on top of the coffin and looked absolutely beautiful.
Carol who was sat in the main part of the church told us later that the moment the music stopped the sun came out and bathed the Nave. This bright sunlight stayed out for the rest of the day. We could tell then from that moment on Barney was there bringing us luck and much comfort.
The Vicar, Revd June Freshney, then said some lovely words and guided us through the service, the words we had chosen with her and those she had prepared herself were wonderful and fitting.
We then had three poems that we wanted read first Suzanne's mum Jo read a poem that was written by a family friend Sandie Baker. She read it beautifully with great composure only wobbling in the last line as she said she looked down at the coffin.
Next Martin's eldest daughter Catiy read a poem "Our Stillborn Brother" which we had found on the internet, it was an ideal tribute from Barney's brothers and sisters she too read it beautifully holding Grandad Bas hand tight.
Lastly Suzanne read her poem that she had written for Barney, with one hand on the coffin and one hand holding Martin. The tears were streaming but she found the strength to read it through and kissed the coffin and said goodbye at the end.
The vicar then said some more words and we said the Lords Prayer. It was so comforting to hear our own children reciting it so fluently. Once the prayers had finished we lit a candle to represent Barney's short life inside Suzanne's womb. Then the flowers were removed from the top of the coffin and we took it in turn to write our names and say a final goodbye with a kiss. We asked the children if they wanted to kiss the coffin and the majority did, however we did not push them it was purely their own decision. I feel it made them closer to Barney and they handled their first experience of death very well.
The church filled with the theme tune from The Snowman (Walking in the air) and Martin carried Barney to the graveside, Robert was next to him should he need any help. He felt that as Suzanne had carried Barney into the world he wanted to carry him out, it was very difficult but again the strength came.
Once at the graveside a few more words and prayers then Barney was lowered into the ground. This was a very emotional time. The stage you know there is no going back. Again we took turns to throw some dirt then everyone just hugged. We needed it and so did the funeral director and the Revd. It affects them too.
We took a slow walk back to our house and had a small buffet lunch. The sun was shining and we started to feel at ease, we were able to celebrate Barney. After lunch we went outside for the balloon release. On the count of 3 we all let go of the balloons it was a beautiful sight until 6 balloons got stuck in the first tree. The kids were screaming "pull them out Barney" we couldn't reach them as they were too high up and well stuck. An amazing thing happened and it is something that we will never forget. Each one slowly came away and it looked as though they were being pulled. We were all cheering and shouting, it was a beautiful experience and one we will do every year on Barney's birthday.
Martin planted the strawberry tree we had bought for us to watch grow and bloom like our baby will in heaven
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